The Saga of the Old Man with the Index Cards Continues
Or the Angry Feminist Gets Pwned Again
A few days ago, I told you about an email conversation I had with a self-styled “historian” named Victor Edward Swanson, who purports to have a collection of 170,000 index cards on which he’s supposedly been writing down stuff about TV for over 50 years. Mr. Swanson sent me an unsolicited, hostile message claiming my article about DuMont Television is full of fallacies (according to his index cards). When I sent him a brief, sardonic reply, he called me an “angry feminist” and threatened to share it on his antiquated website, which is basically one long wall of text ranting about Democrats and women.
Well, he has not yet posted anything about me on his website, but he sent me the following email today.
Date: January 26, 2024
To: Ms. Jen Heller
From: Victor Edward Swanson, historian
Dear Miss Heller:
If you would have looked at "Television History and Trivia" documents at the website for The Hologlobe Press well, you would have learned that a new such document is put on the Internet every month (on the 10th). The next edition does not get published till February 10, 2024. However, I have sent in draft form the section of the next document that talks about you and your and bad work. I do hope you will pass it along to your mommy and daddy so that each can see how great you are and how great a communist and socialist you are, and they can be proud of you.
And I win again.
And that is that!
Victor Edward Swanson, historian
The Hologlobe Press
The primitive *.htm file attached to his email is a prime example of why the expression “tl;dr” was invented. Rather than copy and paste the entire nonsensical tirade here, I’ll summarize the main points below. If you want to read the whole thing, I guess you’ll have to wait until February 10th.
I’m stupid, my writing is stupid, my grammar is bad, and all I do is copy from Wikipedia (but he also mentions that I “only” cited 20 sources for my DuMont article…?)
I’m a spoiled young kid (I’m 40 years old, but thanks, I’m flattered).
I care more about myself than TV history (I can’t really argue with that).
I’m a communist (oh noes communisms!!).
He doesn’t have to provide sources for his claims because newspapers don’t (pretty sure newspapers quote their sources all the time, bro).
Colleges are elitist and degrees mean nothing (ah, the familiar cry of the uneducated conservative).
Also, apparently this is a sort of hobby of Victor’s, because he mentioned emailing three other websites to supposedly “correct” their information.
…I reported to Britannica that it has a page on the Internet with the wrong date, and I have yet to hear a response. On January 23, 2024, I reported the proper date to such persons has Clarke Ingram (who has a website on the Internet devoted to the network) and the staffers at The Henry Ford (a museum in Dearborn, Michigan). On January 24, 2024, I saw that I had a response from The Henry Ford and no response from Clarke Ingram, and I added more information about the network end date in another email, that which was sent to "Kathy M" of The Henry Ford (an internationally famous museum, which had been dedicated on October 21, 1929), and I presented proof of the date to "Kathy M…"
Isn’t it adorable how he still capitalizes “Internet?”
Folks, what we have here is a sad old man who spends his days lovingly thumbing the curled, yellowed corners of his collection of index cards, arguing semantics about 70-year-old television networks with complete strangers, metaphorically screaming into the void about liberals in long strings of text without any attempts at paragraphs, and desperately grasping at anything he can call a “win.” I can’t help but feel sorry for the old coot. In the words of The Angry Video Game Nerd, he’s “a piece of shit I might have some affection for.”
Hey Vic, I get it. The world is changing fast, and it’s hard not to feel like you’ve been left behind. Why do you think I spend my free time re-watching and writing about old sitcoms I grew up with? You have your index cards; I have my 10 TB external hard drive full of episodes of classic shows. We both want to hold onto the things we loved in the past. It’s part of getting older. You just started the process a heck of a lot earlier than I did.
You’re an American original, Victor Edward Swanson. I support your right to rant about old TV shows on the internet. Just maybe don’t be so hostile about it, OK bud? Maybe eat a Snickers?